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She was born to be the woman I would know
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| | Subject: | Personal Diary, Thursday May 30, 2013 - (entry two) | | Time: | 04:44 pm |
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| You think you know someone. Then again, don't these times call for desperate measures? Measures you might not take if circumstances were not constantly life or death? Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him. Them. After all, they were only trying to protect us. I guess Hopkins really became a liability. But was the secrecy really that necessary? Am I naive to think that this could have been a group decision? I'm not shocked by Travis' part in this, not that I think he's the murdering type, but he definitely is the 'do what needs to be done' type. I can't be angry that he chose to take Hopkins out into the woods and shoot him. It's the lack of talking about it that scares me. Especially Noah. He pretty much doesn't talk about his life or who he was before Haven, but since I came to this place and have slept not even ten feet from him, there hasn't been one thing that has gone on at Haven that we haven't talked about. Or so I thought. Wonder if there's any other dark, terrible secrets out there in our community that have yet to be unraveled. Doesn't do anything to make a girl feel less nervous about the people she lives and works with, if we're not safe here we're not safe anywhere. I understand why Noah kept this a secret, but at the same time I don't. Maybe I really am just totally naive, because part of me really doesn't see why this was necessary. And then to carry on like nothing had even happened... I think I hold Noah to an impossible standard because honestly it's only him I feel angry with. Maybe that isn't fair. Being used to seeing Travis as our leader shouldn't mean he could do no wrong, and neither should seeing Noah as the perfect friend and roommate. Do I even have a right to an opinion when it comes to decisions made for the safety of us all? I didn't mean to react so strongly to the news, it just took me by surprise... guess trust still really is a big thing for me. And here I thought I'd improved. Haven't spoken to Noah since the altercation. When he comes into the room I leave, but I never feel good about it. Wish I could just stop wondering if I ever knew him at all. Maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this.
I need to find Itchie, I need to talk about this with someone who isn't a piece of paper. No offense. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Subject: | Personal Diary, Tuesday May 28, 2013 - There's a first time for everything (entry one) | | Time: | 04:43 pm |
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| Never felt the need to record my thoughts before, but I've been here for eight months and it seems about time to take account for all that's been lost. I've done some good here, when they found me and brought me to this place I was assigned to be a supply runner. One of the more dangerous jobs to have here, I'd say, but is it weird that on some level I enjoy it? By putting myself in danger I feel closer to my sisters than I can any other way. Not too close obviously, or I'd be dead, but close enough so that for the moment I feel a huge sense of relief. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought this is where life (or death) would take me, and I'm sure I'm not the first to say that. But at least even now in these bleak times, putting my life at risk for this community still gives me some sense of purpose. All the people here are good people, so that still gives me some sense of hope for humanity, however silly that may sound. Good thing it's only you that will see this meaningless dribble, diary.
Monday's supply run went relatively well, after eight months I'm starting to grow rather fond of the band of runners I've come to work with (took me eight months? one might think I have issues, so again it's a good thing only I can see this). It's hard for me to get close to people, I realize this. Much easier for me to keep some distance, so that speaks more to me than anyone else here, but those I have forced myself to get to know a little I'm glad I have. The new guy is definitely an interesting addition to the bunch, he seems to wear his past on his sleeve more than most here...
If there's one thing I'm truly grateful for, it's that my mother died of cancer before she could see what this world would turn into. I miss my sisters every day, and I constantly think about what has happened to the other people who once had a place in my life. Are they still alive? If they are, do they ever wonder what's become of me? It's been approximately 329 days since the appearance of the Virus. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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She was born to be the woman I would know
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